MYTHS ABOUT VIOLENCE

Myth 1: Alcohol is the real culprit in violence against women and children.

Alcohol and drugs can make abuse worse, but they do not cause abuse. Rather, it justifies the use of physical force by allowing the offender to abdicate responsibility for his behaviour. Some men become intoxicated in order to act out their violent wishes.

Myth 2: Men who beat their wives are mentally ill.

Violence against women is too widespread to be explained away by mental illness. Most men who assault their wives confine it to the privacy of their home. The abuse is often directed to particular parts of the body that will not visibly bruise or is covered; obvious restraint and forethought is necessary to accomplish this. Violent husbands are not likely to attack their bosses or any member of the public because they are frustrated. If the man was truly ill, he would lack the ability to be selective in his targets and controlled in his administration of abuse.

Myth 3: Women who are assaulted are usually asking for it.

No woman ever deserves to be beaten, regardless of the kind of person she is. Provocation is an excuse the offender uses to avoid responsibility for his own behaviour. Many people support his view by examining the victim’s behaviour or personality for clues as to the cause of the abuse. Excuse – making perpetuates the use of violence as an acceptable method of problem – solving and leads the offender to believe he is justified in using force to get his own way.

Top

Myth 4: Women who are assaulted often like it.

Women do not find pleasure in abuse. In fact, women are terrified, horrified, and disgusted when their partners turn on them. The “masochist” label (someone who derives pleasure from pain) is often used in an irresponsible manner by uninformed people to explain the assaulted woman’s dilemma. Although women often return to an abusive partner, it is not violence that they are returning to, but the hope that it has stopped. Applying this label to assaulted women is demeaning and disrespectful and is one more way to blame the victim.

Myth 5: Women who stay in abusive relationships do so because they don’t mind being assaulted.

Women remain in abusive relationships for many reasons. Some are committed to their marriages and desperately want them to be successful. They want the children to grow up with their father and feel responsible for keeping the family together. They also hope he (the abuser) will change.

Top

Myth 6: Violence against women and children is embarrassing but is not really dangerous to the victim.

Wife assault causes serious and sometimes permanent damage. Two out of three women who experience physical violence suffer injuries. The injuries range from bruises and body aches, to open wounds, broken teeth, broken bones and in the extreme death.

Myth 7: Violence against women is common only among the poor and working class people.

There is no proof of this. Research has shown that abusers come from all walks of life and from all backgrounds: rich, poor, educated, uneducated, rural and urban. There are no exceptions. In the same way, victims of violence come from all backgrounds. However, violence in upper classes is more likely to be hidden from public scrutiny because these women may have more to lose by exposing their situation.

Myth 8: Men who beat their wives and children only do so when they are overtaken by aggression – it is not a common occurrence.

Wife assault is rarely an isolated incident. One study showed women being beaten as many as 35 times before their contact with the Police. In a Gender Centre study, one third of women in Ghana admitted living with abuse for years before reporting.

Top

Myth 9: Men commit sex crimes because they do not have enough sex.

Men who commit sex crimes do not have any more “hormones” or sex drive than others. Often these men have sexual partners; the reasons for the crime are not solely sex.

Myth 10: All sexual abuse hurts physically.

Some sexual abuse may be “gentle”, and therefore not hurt physically. This does not mean it is not sexual abuse. Often there is severe emotional and psychological damage. When a victim experiences pleasure, particularly in cases of incest, they may feel guilty. When sexual boundaries are violated within the family, there is confusion in the areas of sexuality and other relationships.

Top

Myth 11: Sex is a man’s right in marriage; he will look for it elsewhere if you deny him sex.

Society has granted permission for men to see sex as their right in marriage. However, sex in marriage is a matter of mutual consent.

Myth 12: Violence against women shows your love.

Men beat their wives to show control, it is not a sign of love. Violence shows disrespect and degradation and the highest contempt for another human being. It speaks about the unequal status in the relationship.

Myth 13: Violence against women is a recent phenomenon.

Violence against women is not a recent phenomenon. Recent publicity may lead you to think it is on the rise, but in fact it has always been a hidden part of the community. Women, angry and tired of being victimized, are demanding that it become a public issue, a social problem in need of a remedy.

Top

Myth 14: Sexual assault is committed by strangers.

In Ghana, studies have shown that over ninety percent of victims know the person who sexually assaulted them. They may be acquaintances, someone they recognize or close friends or relatives.

Myth 15: Rape is the victim’s fault.

Rape is not the victim’s fault. An offender may say a victim asked for it because of how they looked or acted. Unfortunately it is not only the offenders who believe this myth, but also much of the general public. Such statements as: “she wasn't wearing much,” ‘she was drinking,” “she did agree to go out with him,” and “well, everybody knows what kind of girl she is,” indicate that the blame is being placed on the victim and not the offender. Very often victims feel as if the assault was their fault and that had they done something different it might not have happened. The self – blame victims go through can be very damaging and have long-term effects on their life relationships. Victims should be given support and reinforcement that they did nothing wrong and that it wasn't their fault. Even if the victim was doing something risky, such as asking for a lift, she did not ask to be sexually assaulted.

From Gender Studies and Human Rights Documentation Centre “Myths about Violence”

Top

Other myths about sexual gender – based violence.

• Women say no when they mean yes.



• Women receive pleasure and do not object.



• Women who are sexually assaulted are precocious, flirtatious and seductive.



• Women dress inappropriately.



• Women who are sexually active falsely report sexual assault to save reputations



• Women make accusations to get attention.



• Women fantasize about rape; girls fantasize about incest.



• An unwilling woman cannot be raped.



• Men who are sexually violent are sick, lack self – control or are deviant.



• Incest occurs because wives are not sexually available.



• Men are not to blame if they lose control; and rape.



• Men who rape are possessed by the devil.



• Women should not be out late at night or be in certain places.



• A married woman cannot be raped by her husband. Her husband has a right to her sexually whenever he wants.

Violence against women manual – CRC - WISE

Top